Strings

I hate that i think about you constantly
I hate that you are my happiness
I hate that i only feel comfort when i hear or see you
I hate that i cant be around you all of the time
But all of this hate for the thing i love
Strange how this works i guess
I find myself struggling to not text you
Struggling to know you have your own life and i am just a small part of it
Guess ill be here when you want to talk or come around
Waiting like a confused old do waiting by the do for someone to come in and show it love
I really fear you will out grow me
It will tear me apart
But here i go
Thinking about shit i can not control
Wondering if you think of me
Or am i just a teddy bear that sits in to corner until you need me
Cmon reach over
Need me
Pull that string in my spine
Bring me to life

Barnicle man

Im floating above the earth
Above all of the soaking wet clouds unleashing its heavy waters upon the groud below then
I dip my feet in those never ending waterfalls
They cool me off
Relax me
I finally feel after soo many years
The gaping wounds on my body from the past few years have finally begun to heal
So this is what happiness feels like?
This is what I never felt I would feel.
Its strange wanting to wake up in the morning
So many years confined to a room of wall to wall misery

Constantly swimming deeper and deeper into the depths of depressions dark oceans
The oxygen tanks given out yet i continued swimming
Deeper and deeper
For a moment I was weightless as the last breat excaped my body
My remains drifted ashore eventually
Covered in memories of that dark sea
I was gone
You found me
You cleaned me off
You refused to beleive i was gone
You knew what i needed to survive
Not much was needed to bring this lifeless body back to life and you had it
You didnt think twice When you reached into your soul
Selflessly pulling a piece from your inner workings
You then reached into my decating body
Searching around for that empy spot
Where your piece would fit
Filling the void that had grown so dark
I was back to life
You brought me back
To know what true joy and love really felt like
To share your wild journey through life
You dont ask for anything in return
Yet i give you it all
This is what joy and happiness feels like
Its been a long time

Icould get used to this...

That night...

The moon reflected off the water
There was no need for lights
Your presence alone is enough to keep the dark away
The innocence of a childs laughter filled the ears of everyone lucky enough to be around that beautiful night
I was lucky enough to be there
I seen it first hand
You two are like batman and robin
Together you two were able to stop time and make me realize how lucky I really was to be alive
How the little things in life are what really matter
The conversations by a moon lit pool
The endless ammounts of cannonballs and pepermint candies
Eating pizza under the stars
Getting creeped out by the prostitute five doors down
Da da dun dun dunn dunn Batman
The laughter
The feeling that I am surrounded by the ones who love me
Hard to explain
But nights like this dont have to be explained
I hope it happens again
I hope you guys never out grow me
You two are perfect
You are my best friends
I would give up everything for you guys
To be around you both forever
The one bad thing about that night was saying Goodbye
But you can both keep me forever
Twenty minutes...pretty long huh

Bus thoughts 6.23.17

The light shined off your skin like a flame reflecting off a dirty mirror.  The smell of cigarettes fill the air when you step in the room.  What brings you here? The burning passion to explore everything? The need to travel to see the city or are you just passing through like a poorly trained gypsy.  The air is stagnant today, the smell of your ashes has left, the rancid stench of despair has crept in.  Floating in this room like a forgotten spirit looking for its final resting place.  A gentle cool breeze sneaks in briefly and kisses me.  Cooling my skin on this blistering hot summer day.  Its hotter than satans nut sack today... Autumn needs to come bring its gifts soon.  The smell of the air in the fall brings me back to life.  It sparks something in me.  At this point the only spark in me is the hot glow of the suns hateful rays shinning through my magnifying glass heart.  It will catch fire eventually but, not as quick as the sweet autum air lights my soul.  I guess as lo,g as there is an ember in my chest i will be okay.  I wont ask for too much,  just dont burn out on me....

Fuck it do what makes you feel good

I like this thing.  The whole blogging thing.  Even though i doubt anyone reads this steaming pile of elephant shit i call writing.  If no one ever reads this shit i am okay with that.  See unlike social media, i can let it all hang out.  I dont have to watch what i say, or worry about being "politically correct", i can just go with the flow.  If i want to say Fuck and Whore and TuscanMandick then guess what.  I fuckin can.  See i feel like if people let out how they truly think on social media the get judged.  Unfortunately people get judged for everything these days.  Not too many people have open minds and pollite comments in their arsenals any more.  Its all a dick swinging contest.  Not on here it isn't.  I dont have to worry how my punctuation is (but i do try).  I originally wanted to start a hard,copy if all this but honestly i want to tote a book around 24/7 and if i used a voice recorder...well if i said out lound what i write down i may have to run for cover haha.  Its already bad enough i snap pictures of people on the bus..what!!  Dont judge me.. Its no different than snapping a Polaroid of a creature in the wild...  Man that makes me sound bad... But its true there are so many different kinds of people,out there.  Walks of life, its interesting. So back to my pile of dog shit on the table...my writing.  See,i can write about all these people or how i feel in this "blog" and not have to worry about being judged.  Only people i let into this world are the ones like me.  The ones that see the beauty in this asinine world.  The ones that are open minded, who know how i tick.  These are the people who i let in... Other than that, if you stumble across all this puke on paper and read it...i hope you dont feel like you wasted your precious time.  You can write in your blog about how devastatingly unbearable it was to read suck a putrid pile of garbage...or you can write good things.  Its up to you...fuck it do what makes you feel good!

Shit cake

Do you hate your job that much?
Bad enough that talking to scum like me is just the icing on the dog shit cake you ate this morning.
I just want to know where to catch the number 9
Thats all
One simple question
One second out of your shitty bus driving existence
I will give you the benefit of the doubt
Maybe you woke up and foud out your dick doesnt work
Maybe you came into work today to find six homeless people on your bus having a flea infested orgy
Or maybe your like this every day of your shitty human existance
Do you go home and beat your wife like a piece cheap piece of meat from the value section at the pighly wiggly
Do you go to a shitty apartment in the hood that you and the infestation of cockroaches call home
Hopefully you don't
But who fucking knows
All i know is what i see
Your a pissed off old man
Mad at the cards you got delt
Must suck to wake up and hate fucking life

Destination unknown

I feel lost
Not lost in the way of i hate life, because quite honestly i love life right now.  Lost as in where do i go next.  I have always been a grinder, busting my ass for the man on a daily basis for what they call a paycheck.  I have been provided with a strange opportunity.  Now before i go into this, i want to say that i dont think of myself as any different than any other fuck on the streets.  So i have a bad fucking hip... I got the bull shit low budget pimp walk to prove it.  Its not my pride and joy or my free ride or whatever the fuck...a crutch as you would say.  So since i was four years old i have been dealing with this bullshit.  Its normal to me.  What i call normal would have most of you bastards on your knees praying to whatever just to end it.  But its normal to me.  Yeah i got days where its rough, i usually kick it into overdrive at that point.  I mean fuck it why not.  They give me a little bit of "time" left on this old bitch but i think i can stretch it a little more...prove em' wrong.  So once i am out of time on this one theennn....ill get a new one. It will last me an estimated 5 years...  Then ill get another new one...that will buy me another roughly 5 years.  So what does thah put me at?  Say i get a good solid 2 years out of the one i have...39!  So by fuckin 39 years old give or take a year...Ill be in a fuckin wheel chair.  The fuck i will... Ill stretch it as far as i can i guess... But what do i do? What do i do with my time.  What do i do about my passion to live... To want to do great things, To see places, To just want to grab life as hard as i can and never stop.  How do i figure this out?  Where go from here.  I have people in my life now that i wont give up..and some i would pay to forget... But what do i do with my life.  I am a day to day kind of guy usually...but i still need a endgame...  Something to shoot for.  I have a bunch of mini goals...but how to i find the one one.  How do i find the thing i want to fuckin do so that i can be remembered, live a decent life, enjoy it and not dread waking up.  Dont get me wrong...trust me i wake up happy as a fat kid and wonkas fuckin chocolate factory...  Hiw do,i find that one thing and run with it.  was i meant to do that? Or was i meant to just do a shit load of stuf.  I dont know, but this shit makes my brain hurt just thinking about it all... What do i do.... A wise and beautiful woman once said... "Fuck it, I'll figure it out"  until then.. Ill keep trucking forward as hard and as fast as i can...

Destination...who the fuck knows...