It kills me that i can't take the pain away. All I i want in life is to see you happy, to not hurt and to be the best you can be. You never stop, in my own mind it scares me to think that i add to the weight on your shoulders...iIt scares me because I never want that to happen. It makes me sad because I feel i have nothing to offer you. All i have to offer is my heart and thats all i have. I will be here whenever you need me and for whatever you need me for. It breaks my heart when i say good bye. Im selfish, i know. I want to be around you constantly. I wish I was able to hear your voice at any moment. But again i dont want to add weight to your already heavy shoulders. I wish i could hold all of it for you so you could do anything in life that brings you joy. I wish i could win the lottery just so i can give it all to you in hopes i would see you more, in hopes that you could follow your dreams, that you would be taken care of forever. It most likely will never happen but a guy can dream right. I guess what i am trying to say is that i would do anything to be by your side without worrying if i am on your shoulders weighing you down. I want to lift you up.
I wish i knew what runs through your head when we talk, or when we are together. I wish i knew if you write about me. I wish i truly knew how you felt. I wish i could be in your mind for just one second to maybe ease mine.... i wish i knew if i was added weight or if i picked you up. I like to tell myself i do but then the anxiety kicks in and punches me in the face. I wish i knew if my text bothered you. I wish i was able to hold you more than a minute, i wish i could hold you forever. I wish i could follow you around and tell you everything is going to be okay and to be there for you without questioning myself on wether i am a burden. If i only could tell you that i would spend my whole life with you for a hug a day and to look into your eyes and for you to believe me that i am not like everyone else. I struggle with this daily... i hate it because i want to believe so much that you think about me, that you write about me, that i make your life a little easier and worth living like you do mine. But at the same time i cant ask you to pour everything out for me, i cant ask you these questions because i fear that i dont do these things. In a perfect world i would follow you to the ends of the earth to make sure you have what you need. In a perfect world i would give up everything just to hold you, in a perfect world i would give you the moon to just be a twinkle in your eye and to know i make a difference. I guess i am okay not knowing, but god damn does it kill me on nights like this. But i will be here if you need me 24/7.. 365 until i die.... god i hope you need me soon.... I miss you
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